Gundam Pilots and the Chocolate Factory
by Celestia Craven
Summary: When five Golden Tickets are sent out into the world, who should find them but the retired Gundam pilots? Meanwhile, the great chocolatier Willy Wonka has cooked up some tests to weed out spoiled children.


**Published**: Tuesday, March 31, 2015

**Disclaimer**: I cannot claim to own either _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ or _Gundam Wing_. Roald Dahl owns the first, and he wrote a bunch of really good books, including a sequel to the Chocolate Factory called _The Great Glass Elevator_ (Vermicious Knids!). You should go check it out from your library or something.

**Notes**: I had this idea a long time ago, and it's been sitting around ever since. Well, I had a full chapter's worth prepped and edited so I thought, Why not? It was an idea just so bizarre that I wanted to see if it would work. Strangely, I think it just might.

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**Chapter One**

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The entire world held its breath in anticipation. The crowd of thousands was eerily hushed, as were the millions of people glued to their television sets.

Though Willy Wonka had promised five lucky tickets, no one yet knew if he had delivered. No one had come forward claiming to have a Golden Ticket save a crook in Russia whose golden ticket turned out to be high quality golden paper. Without an official ticket to compare, however, it was difficult to say that it _had_ been a fake— except a letter by Mr. Wonka himself.

And the doors of the factory would open any second now.

The silence was broken by a sound of irritation, and then a head popped through the tight squeeze around the gate clearing. Its owner made a frustrated huffing sound, and then harshly elbowed the people on either side. The camera crew jumped hastily away with their own annoyed huffing, glaring at the boy who wiggled past them.

"Let me through!" he complained. "I've got my Golden Ticket and everything, if that's what you're all so worried about."

The teenager with the long braided hair searched his plain black coverall carelessly, raising his hand to wave about the wrinkled gold sheet for a moment. Then he stuffed it back into his pocket and shook his head.

"Geez, how do they expect to get money-making close ups if they won't let us through?" he muttered. Still, there was an undeniable air of curiosity about his face, a childlike wonder in the teenager's wary eyes. He grinned, hopping from foot to foot as he waited in eager anticipation.

"Duo," a voice said from behind him.

Duo turned immediately, eyes wide. "Quatre, is that you, buddy?" he wondered. "What on Earth are you doing here? I thought you'd taken over your father's natural resources company!"

Despite his surprise, Duo looked nothing but delighted.

Quatre smiled in embarrassment as a half dozen members of the Maganac Corps streamed out of the crowd behind him, letting the camera crew return to their places. "Oh, its a long story," he said. "I have the second Ticket."

"I've got nothing but time on my hands until those other three show up," Duo said. "By all means."

"As Christmas approached, I decided to give all of my employees a small bar of Wonka chocolate," Quatre explained. "I know it's only a small gesture, but I hoped it might warm their hearts to have a small token of my esteem for them, for helping to rebuild the colonies and bring peace to outer space."

"And?" Duo prompted.

"Well, there was one box left over, so I split it with the Maganac Corps."

"And the ticket was in your candy bar," Duo surmised.

"Yeah, pretty much," Quatre agreed, looking a bit wary of all the attention. Though he ran his father's company and by extension had a public image already, Quatre Raberba Winner didn't really enjoy media attention. At all.

"Don't worry," Duo said softly, correctly translating the nervous smile. "We'll be inside the factory just as soon as the slowpokes turn up."

"Who are you calling a slowpoke?" an annoyed voice said in reply.

"Oh, Wufei!" Duo said. He flopped an arm over Wufei's shoulder with a large grin. "This is turning out to be a minor reunion!"

"What are the odds," Wufei said, looking less than impressed. He edged away from Duo and turned to Quatre..

"Wufei! What are you doing here?" Quatre said in delight. If he had been relieved to see Duo, he was delighted to see Wufei. The gut wrenching feeling of being the speculation of the world without a Gundam to separate him from the recording devices was eased a bit by two of his comrades.

At least now people would likely remember him as the normal one for a change. No offense to 02 or 05.

Wufei replied easily. "I gained the best scores of my unit's security division. They gave me a useless plaque, a watch, and a bar of chocolate. I had to take a mandatory one week vacation, and I didn't have any better ideas."

"I did," a monotonous voice said in reply.

"Heero!" Duo said. He flopped an arm over Heero's shoulder with a large grin. "This is turning out to be a major reunion!"

"Whatever," pilot 01 grunted. He didn't look particularly pleased to be there, or to see them, or to be surrounded by a crowd of potential assassins. Though no one but Lady Une and Relena Peacecraft knew the faces or voices or even the ages of the Gundam pilots, Heero Yuy hadn't won the war by being reckless.

"How did you get your ticket?" Quatre wondered.

"Ah," Heero said. "I wanted to see if I could decrypt Wonka's system, so I targeted a single box." Heero gave a quick impassive glance to the side in his own version of disappointment. "I wanted to do some work on Wing's thrusters today."

"And why aren't you doing that then? You could probably have made a substantial amount auctioning that off." Wufei demanded.

Heero's eye twitched for just a microsecond. "Relena somehow found out."

"Ah," the three chorused.

A fifth figure slipped through the crowd, raising a hand in a bland hello.

"Hey, don't leave me out," Trowa said.

"This is just gettin' creepy," Duo commented uneasily, looking around at the crowd as if expecting Zechs Marquise to suddenly claim that he had found a sixth ticket.

Quatre gave him a mildly chastising look and then gave a welcoming smile to Trowa. "It's great to see you, Trowa! How did you end up with a Golden Ticket?" he wondered.

Trowa shrugged. "Someone dropped a dollar at one of our shows and I was on cleanup duty. I bought myself a chocolate bar out of curiosity."

The doors automatically opened with some sort of mechanism in the outdated design as the clock tower near the top of the factory began to proclaim the hour. The clock tower was shadowed by the smokestacks, but still managed a widely heard, earthy booming sound.

They continued their chat at a quieter decibel, walking forwards toward the factory.

Then the five became as silent as the people around them as the metal gates of the world's largest chocolate factory creaked shut again. They were trapped inside a huge, completely mysterious factory. No one could say what was contained within.

Their sharp eyes were peeled in a instinctive search for threats. Their hands slowly crept toward hidden pockets and concealed weapons, and in the case of a few, lock picks. Some old habits died hard, or in the case of these soldiers — not at all.

~ oOo ~

"Now, do remember Mr. Wonka," the Oompa Loompa advised a figure sitting in the shadow of the large toffee mushroom, "Your personality algorithms predicted a certain order of children. You must keep to the plan if you are to find your heir."

"Probability suggests," the candy maker replied factually, "That the first finder would be a gluttonous candy-lover, the second a spoiled rich kid, the third an obsessive competitor, the forth to be a violent child, and so on and so forth. I do remember my own mathematical formulas, thank you, but the thought is appreciated."

"It is unfortunate that we were unable to find a single interview. We had to create our routine on your algorithms alone, instead of personalizing them," the Oompa Loompa mourned.

"Yes," the candy maker replied slowly, as if it had only just occurred to him, his eyebrow quirking upwards. "That is a bit odd . . . Suspicious, one might even say."

At the grand clock in the tower clanged the hour, the gentleman with the top hat stood up and smoothed his coat. He adopted a wide, welcoming smile and tossed his cane into the air, catching it with the flair of any other costumed performer.

"Open the gates!" he ordered. Then, with just a touch of something unpleasant, "Let's get this show on the road."

~ oOo ~

"Ooo, here he comes!" Duo said, rubbing his hands together in glee.

"Do control yourself, Maxwell," Wufei complained. "We're not actually sugar obsessed candy bar fanatics."

"Speak for yourself!" Duo protested. "I love chocolate! Wonka chocolate is always so light and frothy — how do they do that? I can't wait to find out."

The door opened wide, and out stepped a man. He wasn't dressed in the casual dress adopted by their own generation, nor was he in the ornate uniform of the last one. He wore a frock coat, shiny black shoes, a top hat on his head, and a polished cane in his hand.

"Welcome!" the presumed Mr. Willy Wonka boomed, then he continued at a more reasonable volume with a low bow, "to my chocolate factory."

He peered out at the five from under the brim of his hat, sharp eyes studying his potential heirs.

"If you would please present your tickets in an orderly manner, we may quickly be on our way," he said with a smile. It wasn't quite a pleasant smile, though it seemed sincere enough.

Duo immediately jumped forward, stuffing his hand into his coverall's pocket again and presenting the wrinkled ticket to Wonka. "Hiya!" he said. "The name's Duo Maxwell. I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie."

Quatre gave a small smile as he plucked the ticket out of his wallet. "My name is Quatre Raberba Winner. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wonka." The pair exchanged a quick handshake, and then the blond was on his way with a last nod toward the Corps on the other side of the fence.

"My name is Chang Wufei," the third boy said, handing over the ticket with a small bow. He took it back and moved on quickly, not bothering with pleasantries.

"Heero Yuy." The pilot handed his ticket over stoically, shacking the candy maker's hand only because it would be too troublesome to have Relena lecture him on politeness.

"I'm Trowa Barton," the last said. He looked at the top hat curiously, wondering if Wonka and the circus' ringmaster went to the same hatter.

Wonka seemed well assured of the authenticity of the Golden Tickets. With a skip in the air, he led a brisk pace into the front door of the factory, speaking rapidly.

"I will admit to a heaping dose of curiosity," the candyman called back to them. "I don't know anything at all about any of you!"

It was Trowa who spoke first. "I work at a circus in the L3 cluster."

"Oh, really?" The candymaker seemed fascinated. "Which act?"

"I'm just a clown," Trowa answered.

"Oh, don't let Trowa fool you!" Quatre said, smiling. "Trowa is also an extremely talented acrobat and lion trainer. He even helps his sister Cathy with her knife throwing act."

"And what of yourself? How do you know Mr. Barton?" Wonka asked as he opened the heavy wooden door.

"Oh," Quatre said, looking embarrassed as he hung his greatcoat on a hook by the door. "Nothing quite so interesting. I run my dad's company with my sisters. Trowa and I met two years ago during the war." He paused. "In fact, we all know each other."

Wonka's blue eyes brightened. "Really? What a coincidence. Five children across Earth and the colonies, and they are all personally acquainted . . ."

"I know, right!" Duo said enthusiastically. "I'm usually kept pretty busy, so I haven't seen these guys in months!"

"And do you also have an occupation at such a young age?" Wonka asked.

"Oh, me and Hilde run a recycling company," Duo said. "We're just junkers in L2. Heero and Wufei over there are both in security here on Earth."

Wonka wondered at that. How very curious. He had expected a good portion of them to be spoiled in some way, but each teenager claimed an honest, hardworking job. Ah, but that wouldn't last long. With his first stop in the factory came his first test — and his first planned deduction from the tour.

"Our first stop is the Chocolate Room," the inventor said brightly, pointing with his cane. "The place where all the melting and mixing happens!"

As he led them through the door, Willy Wonka glanced at Duo Maxwell expectantly, meeting his excited brown eyes.

Gluttony was one of the most abhorrent traits to be found in a child.

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Please Review; Constructive Criticism Welcome!


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